how loneliness and love work together.

how loneliness and love work together.
my thoughts on a quote by Erich Fromm "Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love"

 We don't love a person, we fall for the idea of that person in our heads, we fall for the mere representative model that we build throughout the various interactions between us, and this model is flawed, because people only show a small part of themselves to us, and there are aspects of that person which we will never encounter and incorporate into the model…

And we have internal conversations and build a set of expectations with and for the model, and we forget that it’s not that accurate because well, wishful thinking.  We also tend to ignore acts from the real person and keep them away from "contaminating" the model, we convince ourselves that it’s the fault of circumstances, that's willful blindness.

 With time and the increasing number of interactions, the model will start to align with the real person's personality, adjusting for the different states and settings of the interactions. However there's always a difference between the two, that's why people should not lie in speech and action, to no further distort their model from the truth.

 A condition for love is to be alone and busy your mind with wondering and running simulations to prefect the model to our standards and enrich it with trades and “false memories”,

so we unconsciously make the self fall in love with another “self”, to the point we get a privileged access to another person (a relationship), then we start to be less alone, lack of wondering, reduced ambiguity to fill with the perfect missing piece, and more discovering of the real, disappointments ?

That’s when people need to compromise and communicate to bring each other closer to what their partner’s model of them.